- My Blogger profile
- My film collection (Updated 10 Mar 2012)
- Frequently Accessed Search Queries (Updated 11 Feb 2007)
- Music I am listening to
- Games I play (Raptr)
- Follow me on Twitter!
- All-time Favourite Quotes (Updated 21 May 2005)
Laugh at these
- Advanced Anagramming
- Chris Barrie (official)
- Colin Mochrie (official)
- Comedy at the Beeb
- Engrish.com
- Greg Proops (official)
- Julian Clary online
- Kiss This Guy - misheard lyrics
- Llewtube (Robert Llewellyn's Carpool - interviews)
- Nemi (Norwegian)
- Nemi - in English!
- Not Always Right (The Customer Is)
- The Onion
- The Rik Mayall Website
- The Scripts of Red Dwarf
- Wulff Morgenthaler
Computer/Gaming Links
- Home of the Underdogs
- Lemon - Commodore 64 Heaven
- The Little Green Desktop (Atari ST)
- MobyGames
- My game collection
- Playstation.com
- RPGPlanet (GameSpy)
- scene.org
- Textfiles.com
A Bit More Sensible
Things That Matter
- Action on Elder Abuse
- Alcohol Concern (UK)
- Amnesty International
- The Animal Rescue Site
- Comic Relief/Red Nose Day
- Dogs Trust
- GALHA
- The Pro-Choice Forum
- The RSPCA (UK)
- StammeringCentre.org
- The Trevor Project
- Violence Begins at Home
- Please contact me if you've got any episodes of the Aussie TV series Corridors of Power and/or Mercury.
North American Comedy Favourites
- 3rd Rock from the Sun
- 8 Simple Rules
- The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.
- Arrested Development
- The Big Bang Theory
- Cheers
- The Class
- Dharma and Greg
- Ellen
- Just Shoot Me
- The Kids in the Hall
- Ladies Man
- Less than Perfect
- M*A*S*H
- Mad About You
- SheTV
- Whose Line is it Anyway?
- Will & Grace
British Comedy Favourites
- Absolutely Fabulous
- An Actor's Life for Me
- The Armstrong and Miller Show
- A Bit of Fry and Laurie
- Believe Nothing
- Big Train
- Black Books
- Blackadder
- Bottom
- The Catherine Tate Show
- Citizen Smith
- Coupling
- The Comic Strip Presents...
- Dead Ringers
- The Fast Show
- Fawlty Towers
- Fear, Stress and Anger
- Filthy, Rich and Catflap
- French and Saunders
- Gimme Gimme Gimme
- Girls on Top
- Goodness Gracious Me
- Green Wing
- Happiness
- Hippies
- The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- Kevin Turvey
- The Kumars at No. 42
- KYTV
- The League of Gentlemen
- Little Britain
- Look Around You
- The Mighty Boosh
- Monty Python's Flying Circus
- Murder Most Horrid
- My Family
- Not the Nine O'Clock News
- The New Statesman
- The Office
- Psychoville
- Red Dwarf
- Rhona
- Ripping Yarns
- Smack the Pony
- Spaced
- That Mitchell and Webb Look
- The Thick of It
- tlc
- The Vicar of Dibley
- Waiting for God
- The Young Ones
Archives
- November 2003
- December 2003
- January 2004
- February 2004
- March 2004
- April 2004
- May 2004
- June 2004
- July 2004
- August 2004
- September 2004
- October 2004
- November 2004
- December 2004
- January 2005
- February 2005
- March 2005
- April 2005
- May 2005
- June 2005
- July 2005
- August 2005
- September 2005
- October 2005
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- February 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- April 2007
- May 2007
- June 2007
- July 2007
- August 2007
- September 2007
- October 2007
- November 2007
- December 2007
- January 2008
- February 2008
- March 2008
- April 2008
- May 2008
- June 2008
- July 2008
- August 2008
- September 2008
- October 2008
- December 2008
- January 2009
- February 2009
- March 2009
- April 2009
- May 2009
- June 2009
- July 2009
- August 2009
- September 2009
- October 2009
- February 2010
- March 2010
- April 2010
- October 2010
- December 2010
- March 2012
- May 2012
- November 2012
- May 2013
- June 2013
2,000 hamsters can't be wrong.
23 May 2009
Ush...ers
Why do we need ushers? Apart from keeping struggling, young actors in employment, of course. The other day, at La Cage again (probably more on that at a later point), I approached one of the said ushers with my ticket, like I normally do. She was being very cheerful and polite, and said 'you're in seat nine, madam, on the third row'. I said thank you and went to find my seat.
OK, so what just happened?
1. I approached the usher. I always do this. I think it's my way of being polite, because I know perfectly well where I'm seated. It's not rocket science. Maybe I feel sorry for them, standing there by the door like wallflowers.
2. I looked confused. WHY? I mean...just WHY? What a ridiculous thing to do. I approach the usher with an apologetic smile, looking like I have just landed on this planet and want my mummy. I show them my ticket, which I have just managed to read about three times within the last minute all on my own, and want some kind of help. Just to be nice. It's like saying 'I'm an idiot and need assistance. See me wee(p) if you don't help RIGHT NOW.'
3. She called me 'madam'. At some point during the first year that I lived over here in the UK, people went from calling me 'miss' to 'madam'. I hadn't done anything differently, I think, but it happened. I want to blame the stress surrounding the move, which after all gave me my first white strands of hair. (Yet at the same time I sometimes still have to show people my ID when buying alcohol.)
4. The usher read my ticket to me. Let me stress that.
She. Just. Read. It. To. Me.
And then I thanked her for stating the obvious. Because, after all, I am a silly customer who has managed to book and pay for the ticket, dress herself, get on the right tube, find the right street and even find the right theatre and entrance, only to fall at the last hurdle, slowly losing sight of the coveted gold medal.
What utter nonsense.
OK, so what just happened?
1. I approached the usher. I always do this. I think it's my way of being polite, because I know perfectly well where I'm seated. It's not rocket science. Maybe I feel sorry for them, standing there by the door like wallflowers.
2. I looked confused. WHY? I mean...just WHY? What a ridiculous thing to do. I approach the usher with an apologetic smile, looking like I have just landed on this planet and want my mummy. I show them my ticket, which I have just managed to read about three times within the last minute all on my own, and want some kind of help. Just to be nice. It's like saying 'I'm an idiot and need assistance. See me wee(p) if you don't help RIGHT NOW.'
3. She called me 'madam'. At some point during the first year that I lived over here in the UK, people went from calling me 'miss' to 'madam'. I hadn't done anything differently, I think, but it happened. I want to blame the stress surrounding the move, which after all gave me my first white strands of hair. (Yet at the same time I sometimes still have to show people my ID when buying alcohol.)
4. The usher read my ticket to me. Let me stress that.
She. Just. Read. It. To. Me.
And then I thanked her for stating the obvious. Because, after all, I am a silly customer who has managed to book and pay for the ticket, dress herself, get on the right tube, find the right street and even find the right theatre and entrance, only to fall at the last hurdle, slowly losing sight of the coveted gold medal.
What utter nonsense.
Comments:
Post a Comment