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2,000 hamsters can't be wrong.

25 September 2005

Act I - Scene 1 

A sitting room. Two girls are chatting away, each on their own sofa.

Girl 1: I'm going to marry Dale Winton.
Girl 2: Uhmm...he's gay.
G1: So?
G2: Last week you said you were going to marry Julian Clary.
G1: Yes, I did. And I am.
G2: I don't think they'll be very interested.
G1: Look, I'll marry them and then they'll keep each other company after dark.
G2: What if they don't like each other?
G1: Not my problem. (SIPS HER DRINK) They'll be thrilled just to be with me, who cares about their sex life?
G2: Didn't you say you'd marry both Philip and Dennis as well?
G1: Yep.
G2: You do know, of course, that bigamy is a criminal offense?
G1: It's very simple, ok? Dale will be hosting every night, bringing the drinks around, assuring us we're doing well, saying he's on our side whatever we choose. Julian will be telling jokes and prance around in outrageous clothing, and Philip will sing for us.
G2: And Dennis?
G1: (SLIGHT PAUSE) ...is for special occasions.
G2: This had better be a good one.
G1: Well, uhmm...he'll... I guess he'll be portraying different people every night, for our amusement.
G2: So they'll all just stay in the sitting room all evening, then?
G1: Uh-huh. (NODS)
G2: Right. And you need to be married to them because...?
G1: It's better than tying them to the table.
G2: And the fact that two of them are already married and the other two are gay does not enter into it?
G1: Not one bit. They'll be ecstatic just for being around me all day. They can bring their wives if they want to. They can live in the shed.
G2: You don't have a shed.
G1: Well, then they can't come.

There is a long pause.

G2: Has anyone ever told you you're really, really weird?

Current track: Nada.

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Posted by: Ingaroo / 01:59
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