In Seattle, a 65-year-old is conducting an experiment into whether we can live only on light and air; because we're plants, right? Spoiler: we can't. Actually, she might die. Voyeurism to the extreme?

I think we all need to see something a bit more upbeat after that. How about a mash-up of TV themes and intros?

Or maybe you'd just like to see something which is guaranteed to calm you down? (After watching that video, you may automatically have been mentally transported back to last week's episode of Game of Thrones and felt upset...)

Labels: comedy, time wasting, TV

G.I. Joe PSA - Mimimimimi. Wonderful.

Labels: humour, time wasting

Waiting for a delivery?

Labels: humour, time wasting

I should apologise for leading some of you astray yesterday with my highly uninteresting dream about John Barrowman. Apparently the post turned up in so many searches the trackers could hardly keep up. So if you're here for a second, wasted time in as many days; I apologise for luring you in once more. There's still nothing to see here.

Listening to some Erik Satie again; very relaxing indeed! Just watched the Drinking with the girls documentary from BBC3 or 4 last week, and although it was fun, it was also a bit disturbing in a way, and I needed to relax. So what better way, when you don't have any alcohol? ;-)

Ooh, and Depeche Mode were on Jools yesterday. I missed/ignored it, so had to download the programme today. Jools Holland is pretty crap at interviewing, but presents us with a nice and varied array of musical guests.

New business idea: Tweeting for a living! Seems a lot of people are already doing that, actually. Or someone should have a word with their bosses...

By the by, remember Carpool with Robert Llewellyn! Lots of fun to be had. He just said he would plug the show only once a day from now on, so obviously he needs all the publicity he can get! ;-) Look out for Carpool episodes from the US in the coming months, too.

Labels: music, musicals, personal, technology, time wasting

People basically don't have anything better to do than wasting time on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Bebo, LinkedIn and other such sites, apparently.

Jonathan Ross tweeted a picture of his lunch. Using TweetDeck I get updates every minute, and this one was clearly sent only seconds before my program checked for any new items. I clicked on the photo. I was the 4th viewer. I reloaded. It now had 27 views. I got a call, which took about three minutes to solve. The picture now had more than 1,100 views.

And yesterday everyone seemed to be commenting only upon Britain's Got Talent. Actually, the celebs were worse than the "mere mortals", who actually seemed to get out of the house for the evening; the well-knowns were cheerfully tweeting about every single act whereas the unknowns remained fairly quiet or actually managed to tweet about other stuff. Like being drunk, listening to rubbish music and updating their news feed.

It's highly entertaining, though, and the perfect way to surf the web for new stuff! It's like having an army of webcrawlers working for you, so that you can spend your time doing other things until they come up with something worth looking at.

It may draw you in, though. I woke up during the night (due to drinking an orange smoothie right before going to bed) and simply had to tweet about my semi-nightmare (my family stealing all of my Greg Proops cassettes) from my iPhone.

Maaarvellous.

Labels: computers, personal, technology, time wasting

In the spirit of #followfriday, I set myself my own task today via Twitter. I was to write a 500-word-snippet including the random words dapper, hell-bent and Fraggle. Here is the unedited and rather miserable result I threw together during my lunch hour (and for some inexplicable reason, my mind conjured up two names of the Proops persuasion. Ho hum.):

---

As a holy man, Gregory had seen his share of misery among the populace. His congregation, for a start, contained mostly old W.I. members with a penchant for crocheting and harassing the local transvestites (of which there were three: Johnny Long Johns, Mark the Spark and Mullet from the docks). When Marjorie had left the gas on and caused half her street to go up in flames (via a big kablooey), Gregory had had to comfort the old sods who suddenly had nowhere to go and no family who remembered them—or was it the other way round? He could not stand the constant smell of wee inside the church hall and was hell-bent on getting out of that awful job of his before it was too late. Also, he suspected their babbling had rubbed off—he often found himself muttering obscenities under his breath without actually remembering wilfully to have planned it that way.

Today was just another horrid day he had to face. His toast had been soggy due to bad planning—trying out a new, supposedly efficient morning routine, he had thrown a couple of slices into the toaster before hitting the shower, completely forgetting about the little machine’s rather unfortunate habit of projectile-vomiting anything which was put into it, at quite alarming speed. When he came back from the shower, the toasts were to be found in a flower pot on the window-sill and in the cat’s litter tray. He took it as a sign from God and ate them both.

When he arrived at the rectory, however, a worse sign awaited him. Mullet from the docks was leaning against the wrought iron fence, smoking a pipe. It somehow clashed with his purple dress. He did look dapper, though, and Gregory had to focus on the beard to regain control of his senses.

“Top o’ the mornin’ to ya, reverend, I was wonderin’ if I could have a word?” Mullet’s voice boomed, bouncing off every wall around them. Gregory had never quite understood why Mullet always went for this mock-Irish, pirate-y accent when he came from Dorset, but then again there was quite a lot of things about Mullet that Gregory didn’t grasp.

He unlocked the door and motioned Mullet into the office. He was rough-looking, but had kind eyes. Two of his front teeth were missing. Gregory noted that this was a brand new feature.

“Aye, ye’ve seen me teeth, then?”
“Not really, Mullet. They seem to have gone on holiday.”

Mullet chuckled and slapped his thigh. Gregory was slightly alarmed and decided to leave the door open for now.

“I was only wond’rin’, reverend, ‘bout what ye think ‘bout Fraggles?”

Gregory put on his best holy man show—pensive pout, clasped hands, both index fingers stretched out and touching his lips. He hadn’t a clue what Mullet was on, but he certainly wanted some of it.

“I think you need to fill me in, Mullet.”
“Fraggles, those critters who live underground an’ hunt in packs. They’ve got coloured hair and big...starin’...eyes.” Mullet’s right eye was suddenly experiencing a tic overload. His hand shot up and hit the eye repeatedly. “Aye, starin’, they are. One of ‘em, don’ ask me how, got into the pub las’ night an’ was causin’ a right ruckus in there. I could barely get outta there in one piece!”

Gregory wanted to point out the missing teeth, but decided against it. At the moment, his chief concern was to get Mullet out of his office and some gin into his system.

“So, reverend, ye do those exorcisms, right?”
“I doubt that’ll be necessary.”
“Jus’ a teeny exorcism in the pub, kinda like a nice gesture, so that all of us can drink there in peace.”
“Maybe it’s a sign, Mullet—maybe God wants you to stop drinking?”
“Jeez, no need ta go all religious on me, reverend. Them Fraggles are no critters of God’s work.”
“No, I think you’re right, there, which is why you’d be better off without the drink.”
“One day they’ll come fer ya, reverend, an’ I won’t be helpin’ ye then!”
“How very Christian of you. Well, go with God, Mullet, and close the fucking door behind you, will you?”

---

Labels: greg proops, humour, personal, time wasting, writing

So, just to make a rather boring, 900th post.

Do guys in general want kids/a family, or do they want to stay prepubescent throughout the rest of their lives, if they were to choose? Which, of course, they're not, as women rule the world, but let's pretend for a minute.

The whole "girls grow up so much faster than boys" theory is so annoying. And who's to say we're supposed to be spreading our genes everywhere anyway (apart from nature as a whole)? I'd much rather human beings just died out, really, but then that's just me (it seems--as most people appear to be happy about the way the world is turning out)? Anyhoo, I've been watching way, WAY too much Red Dwarf lately. I was absolutely chuffed "I'm gonna eat you, little fishy" was included (strangely enough, being absolutely obsessed with Rimmer, this quote from The Cat is my favourite, or simply the easiest to remember/sing--also, there's a strange connection with one of my faves from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life: "Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy, FISH! / And it went wherever I did go!) Now that I've seen the whole of Back to Earth without ad breaks etc., I am in love with the piece and wish there would be more. Preferably within the next few years or so.

Excuse me while I eat the rest of my Belgian chocolate and pretend I have nowt to do in order to further my career as a writer.

Labels: chris barrie, comedy, personal, red dwarf, time wasting, TV

...what I actually planned to do with my money if I ever won a big prize in the lottery. Invest it all in a high-risk venture, get even richer (naturally I was already under the influence of the Luck virus, so anything "high risk" wouldn't be to me), then fund another series of Red Dwarf (yeah, I don't care about the film; no point in destroying the concept with silly Hollywood cameos, although I do understand that this seems to be the ultimate dream for the ones involved), get none of my invested money back, but hopefully get a lot of laughs out of it. Well worth the one-pound ticket!

...then spread the word that everyone else putting in a pound that day had just brought back Red Dwarf (back...for the fourth time?) whether they wanted to or not. Hah!

By the by, re: yesterday's episode: Could the newsagent's scene be more camp? I actually had to hide my face at that point. Brilliantly funny and very embarrassing at the same time. Just the way I like my comedy.

Labels: chris barrie, comedy, film, personal, red dwarf, time wasting, TV

Watching the DVD of the new Total! Pop thingie by Erasure, I noticed that they had had an appearance in 1987 on the Tom O'Connor Roadshow, which basically consisted of lots of elderly people in the audience. I know that this may not mean much; after all we all have different tastes and people can surprise you, but the probability of even 10% of those being the least bit interested in synthpop back in '87 is very low.

Luckily, Erasure could soon pick better gigs and dance moves. And I just discovered that even though I wasn't a fan from the very beginning (due to being too young and too non-UK-based, really), I have been a fan of them for 17 of their 24 years of existence, so I don't feel too bad about it. Also considering I genuinely own most of their back catalogue, including quite a few rare promos (one being a Japanese one I happened upon in a second-hand shop in Oslo back in the late nineties) and I actually listen to all of their remixes etc., I think I could call myself a proper fan by now (I am going to continue ignoring the fact that I have yet to see them live).

This morning I spotted the cover headline in the Metro saying "Soldiers in £250K MOT pay shambles". I thought this was rather weird; had they been fiddling with MOT papers or something? I thought perhaps they had been forging papers for their tanks or something. I then realised it said "MoD" (Ministry of Defence), not "MOT" (the Ministry of Transport's roadworthiness test for vehicles). I think my recent surge of interest in classic cars has coloured my ARS (Acronym Recognition Sense) (ok, so neither MoD nor MOT is technically an acronym, but "ARS" is funny).

I have to say the guys behind the Red Dwarf marketing are working overtime these days! There are lots of online virals and hidden extras lurking, and they even update these daily! Amazing. Of course, my head will implode soon if this keeps up. Only 11 days to go! (Start here if you're interested.)


The boys from the Dwarf urge you to click on that link!

Labels: chris barrie, comedy, erasure, humour, music, red dwarf, time wasting, TV

Just...why?

Labels: gaming, time wasting

Lovely. So far today, and I have to warn you as this post contains some very bad language, I have been called these things:

Clown.
Cocksucker.
Amateur.
Fucked-out cunt bastard.
Bureaucrat.
Cunt (times 15 or so).
Slow.
Slimy cunt.
Cocky.

All of this by the same customer, within just one hour. Now, I cannot argue with the last one, because I can seem a little cocky if I am 100% right and the person I'm communicating with is a little squid with a brain the size of half a peanut, but I was amazed he had the intelligence to pick up on that so quickly, if at all! Then again, I think perhaps he was mainly just jotting down whatever word he could remember.

Gotta love customer services...

Labels: personal, time wasting

I bet you do. Every day, if you live in the city. Let me give you an example: Queueing. Do you not get in front of someone while going down the stairs to the train? While you're waiting for people to file out of the carriage, I bet someone waiting at the other side of the door gets there ahead of you, even though you were the one who got there first, right? And albeit a couple of people were there before you, you get the first seat which becomes available, don't you? Cheat!

Well, the Oscars were handed out last night, and for the fourth or fifth time running I didn't get to see it live. Hopefully I will get the chance to see the show at a later date. I wasn't surprised to hear Slumdog Millionaire getting all those awards, even though I didn't really think it deserved all of them. Then again, it was probably the best of the nominated films. Who am I to start suggesting alternative nominees, right?

I would also like to point out that although I was a huge fan of the first series, Damages now has me focused more on the looks of the two main characters. WTF happened to Rose Byrne who plays Ellen? She looked normal the last time I saw her, and now she is barely visible! Skeletal people really freak me out. And then Glenn Close suddenly looks as if someone is constantly pulling her ponytail. This whole thing makes me see plastic surgery in the other actors as well, even though they probably haven't had any, and worst of all, it takes the focus off of William Hurt, which is just not on!

At least they look much better in the wonderful Lark Rise to Candleford. And speaking of which; after a week of intensive Press Gang viewing and a longing for a complete DVD box set of Absolutely Fabulous (when, oh when), I am in Julia Sawalha overdrive mode. I think she's everywhere! Or maybe that's called "hallucinating". But hey, the other night I dreamt that Ellen Page lived in our ceiling and communicated in a very intricate sign language she herself had constructed. And the night before I was being hunted by CIA agents because I was trying to bring down some corrupt government officials with the help of a civil servant living behind a tree in Canada. While I was there, I stocked up on crisps and Cheez Doodles, because I couldn't get them where I lived in NYC. Clearly my imagination is never sleeping, argh!

Labels: dreams, film, julia sawalha, personal, time wasting, TV, william hurt

Local news web site sues NY Times for linking to them - how moronic is it possible to get? I think we may be scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

Labels: technology, time wasting

One of my Swedish colleagues just shared this link with me, showing a typical "you know you're Swedish when..." list. I discovered that with the exception of points 16, 20 and 26 (and in point 9, switch "Norway" for "Sweden"), everything is typical Norwegian, too. Even the fact that we actually feel a little bit at home when we're in IKEA abroad.

Speaking of IKEA, the long-awaited Easy to Assemble episode starring Greg Proops is up at TV.com.

And related to that, is the fact that in my last post I mentioned my Comedy Store Players dream team--in an ideal world this would of course also include The Proopster, but that would mean very infrequent visits to the Store for me.

Labels: comedy, greg proops, lists, time wasting

They must be on drugs.

Went out with some people from work yesterday, first to a downtown casino, then to a nice restaurant (which we decided was almost too posh for us, but then we got really into the spirit(s) and couldn't care less about what the waiters might think). I had a starter! I never have starters. I also had four glasses of white wine (I was aiming for just the one, but they kept refilling them). Then ended the night with an Irish Coffee. One of the guys lives in LA, so of course I had to ask him if it's true you should have a car to get anywhere there. Yes, I was a minute away from asking him if he'd seen Greg Proops anywhere. But then I actually got a grip. LA isn't exactly a small village, hehe!

Labels: food, greg proops, time wasting, work

1. Go to the Amazon site of your choice (I prefer amazon.co.uk for obvious reasons).
2. Choose "Books".
3. Search for "Norway".
4. Choose category "Humour".
5. Repeat for "Norwegian", "Scandinavia" and "Scandinavian".
6. Sulk.
7. Write a book about Norwegian idiosyncrasies.
8. Name it something funny and eyecatching.
9. Publish it.
10. Earn approximately $50/£25 or the equivalent in your local currency (possibly fish) because, obviously, no one cares.

As a proper Norwegian (although I have about an ounce of Swedish blood in me) I now feel so depressed I have to grab my rucksack and go for a walk up the mountain overseeing the nearest fjord (all of which, of course, are within a stone's throw of each other--in fact, you can't see the countryside for all the fjords scattered about, annoying car drivers), so that I can eat some dried fish, play my eight-string-fiddle and possibly end the outing by reading some Ibsen and hang myself.

No, in fact I'll buy a book about Canada instead. Same shit, different continent and language. Which could also be said about New Zealand. Go figure!

Labels: humour, lists, Norway, time wasting

So, IKEA's new ad campaign in the US started yesterday, with the first video of the series starring Illeana Douglas, with cameos from Jane Lynch, Kevin Pollak, Craig Bierko, Tom Arnold, uhmm...Greg Proops (you don't think I'd actually watch an IKEA commercial voluntarily without some huge incentive, would you?) Well, anyway, the first episode is up (6 mins), and I would recommend it for my Scandinavian friends, if only for the last two minutes, featuring Jane Lynch and some annoying guy, pretending to speak Swedish. Let me tell you, Jane Lynch's Swedish is good, but that guy is actually speaking Norwegian with a horrible accent. :) Eejits.

Labels: comedy, greg proops, time wasting

My blog post labels (or tags, if you are so inclined):

Top 20

1. personal 267 (yes, I am the most important person in my life)
2. TV 246 (pretty important, too)
3. film 225 (rather important)
4. theatre 152 (yes, please)
5. current affairs 150 (because I get all riled up very easily)
6. musicals 127 (whoopdie-doo)
7. comedy 125 (I cannot imagine life without)
8. gaming 117 (see no. 7)
9. music 107 (see nos. 7 and 8)
10. humour 104 (haha)
11. Norway 80 (because, despite everything, I am a patriot)
12. philip quast 76 (yep, top spot among my favourites)
13. time wasting 63 (at least I'm more interested in PQ than in wasting my time)
14. technology 59 (geekdom)
15. greg proops 49 (in merely eight months)
16. literature 45 (well, I pretend to read from time to time)
17. dennis storhøi 43 (so The Fab Three are all within the top 20)
18. sport 36 (surprisingly)
19. computers 34 (more sport than computers???)
19. evita 34 (well, it was the event of the year)

Labels: lists, time wasting

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd   You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~
Social Nerd
Literature Nerd
Drama Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I actually do wash, though.

Labels: personal, time wasting

The brain works in mysterious ways. As I was going to look for any updates on Greg Proops's line-up for the summer, I suddenly got this song on my mind, a song I recognised as a previous favourite but which I hadn't heard in years. I started humming it out loud and after a few minutes it dawned on me that it was Veronica by Elvis Costello.


Greg Proops.


Elvis Costello.

Connect the dots yourself.

Labels: greg proops, music, time wasting