Just updated my film collection. 1270 films by now. A few more awaiting 'approval'.

Labels: film, lists, personal

In case you didn't know.

It's been a year since I realised Greg Proops was the best thing since sliced bread, computers and Erasure mixed into one. Well, maybe I could do without the bread. And what a year it's been! My poor DVD recorder has been on constant daily timer in order for me to quickly accumulate most episodes of both version of Whose Line is it Anyway?, and in usual Ingaroo-fashion it didn't take me too long to see him live even though the odds were against me from the very start, his living and working in LA and all that crap.

Other things have happened this year, too, but since I can't remember much of it, I'd rather save that for 2008's This and That list, due sometime within the next few weeks on this very site, and instead concentrate on things I can remember, such as this past weekend.

I spent much of my time revisiting Bullworth Academy (it's a game) and watching films. I got some excellent films for Christmas, thanks to Aug and his good taste, and managed to see a few European flicks not touched by Hollywood: Auf der anderen Seite (The Edge of Heaven), La double vie de Véronique (The Double Life of Veronique) and the fabulous Vier Minuten (Four Minutes). I then quickly went on a mad shopping spree on Amazon and am expecting some nice additions to my film collection over the next few months (yes, some of them are not yet released).

Speaking of which; I decided I needed to do something about my film collection yesterday, and set about putting them in alphabetical order. I haven't done that since I moved here! It became quite clear to me that this was the only decent way to deal with the problem, after I nearly panicked on Christmas Eve when I couldn't find Love Actually anywhere. It took me about five hours to do it properly, but at least I got to listen to some music (The Rolling Stones and The Beatles, mostly) while doing so, and the end result was fantastic! Maybe it won't take me 15 minutes to find a certain DVD from now on!

I also finally bought the whole of Monty Python's Flying Circus on DVD! Yay me! This is quite extraordinary, but the thing is I've never actually owned all the episodes. For a through-and-through fanatic like me this is blasphemous, almost. I had the first series on VHS in different editions (two with Swedish subtitles, one with Dutch subtitles and one in the original version which cost me about three times as much as the others), but could never really afford buying the whole set when it was first released on DVD, and then after a while I sort of...forgot. But since I have so much of their other stuff (including just about anything remotely connected to any of the members, off telly and radio and so on), I felt it was about time I could finally access my favourite exploding Burmese penguin sketch(es) at any time (and in good viewing quality ;-) ). So what did I do when I gleefully got the boxset in the post? Why, put it on my shelf with all the other stuff I've been excited about buying and then never bothered to actually watch, of course!

Which reminds me I have promised myself to read a book today. Ta-ta!

Labels: comedy, film, gaming, greg proops, lists, Monty Python, music, online shopping, TV

One of my Swedish colleagues just shared this link with me, showing a typical "you know you're Swedish when..." list. I discovered that with the exception of points 16, 20 and 26 (and in point 9, switch "Norway" for "Sweden"), everything is typical Norwegian, too. Even the fact that we actually feel a little bit at home when we're in IKEA abroad.

Speaking of IKEA, the long-awaited Easy to Assemble episode starring Greg Proops is up at TV.com.

And related to that, is the fact that in my last post I mentioned my Comedy Store Players dream team--in an ideal world this would of course also include The Proopster, but that would mean very infrequent visits to the Store for me.

Labels: comedy, greg proops, lists, time wasting

1. Go to the Amazon site of your choice (I prefer amazon.co.uk for obvious reasons).
2. Choose "Books".
3. Search for "Norway".
4. Choose category "Humour".
5. Repeat for "Norwegian", "Scandinavia" and "Scandinavian".
6. Sulk.
7. Write a book about Norwegian idiosyncrasies.
8. Name it something funny and eyecatching.
9. Publish it.
10. Earn approximately $50/£25 or the equivalent in your local currency (possibly fish) because, obviously, no one cares.

As a proper Norwegian (although I have about an ounce of Swedish blood in me) I now feel so depressed I have to grab my rucksack and go for a walk up the mountain overseeing the nearest fjord (all of which, of course, are within a stone's throw of each other--in fact, you can't see the countryside for all the fjords scattered about, annoying car drivers), so that I can eat some dried fish, play my eight-string-fiddle and possibly end the outing by reading some Ibsen and hang myself.

No, in fact I'll buy a book about Canada instead. Same shit, different continent and language. Which could also be said about New Zealand. Go figure!

Labels: humour, lists, Norway, time wasting

My blog post labels (or tags, if you are so inclined):

Top 20

1. personal 267 (yes, I am the most important person in my life)
2. TV 246 (pretty important, too)
3. film 225 (rather important)
4. theatre 152 (yes, please)
5. current affairs 150 (because I get all riled up very easily)
6. musicals 127 (whoopdie-doo)
7. comedy 125 (I cannot imagine life without)
8. gaming 117 (see no. 7)
9. music 107 (see nos. 7 and 8)
10. humour 104 (haha)
11. Norway 80 (because, despite everything, I am a patriot)
12. philip quast 76 (yep, top spot among my favourites)
13. time wasting 63 (at least I'm more interested in PQ than in wasting my time)
14. technology 59 (geekdom)
15. greg proops 49 (in merely eight months)
16. literature 45 (well, I pretend to read from time to time)
17. dennis storhøi 43 (so The Fab Three are all within the top 20)
18. sport 36 (surprisingly)
19. computers 34 (more sport than computers???)
19. evita 34 (well, it was the event of the year)

Labels: lists, time wasting

Today:

*Olympic flame shuffled around London. Much glee and gnashing of teeth.
*Lots to do at work. Missed the live online coverage of the flame in Stratford because someone needed my help. Bloody customers. They're just so selfish.
*New Michael Ball show on Radio 2, great fun. Dame Judi Dench his first guest. Good chums.
*New comedy show on ITV1: Headcases. Part very funny, part meh. Dame Judi Dench featured as a chav (this was to be considered a highlight of the programme.)
*Snow.
*Paid some bills, little money left in the account. All is normal.
*Rang my mum for about two minutes while waiting for the tube train to arrive. Happy birthday.
*Lovely tigers on BBC1. Fabulous nature programmes on that channel (as if we didn't know already.)
*I think I may have found a few favourites on I'd Do Anything. We'll see.
*Looking forward to a little bit of time to sit down and write a couple of long overdue emails. Has to be done properly.
*Really hooked on Melanie C's newest album these past few weeks. Can't find a dull song on the entire album. Also reignited my love for Briskeby's album Jeans for Onassis (Hey, Harvey.)

Tomorrow:

*Long day at work.
*No snow.
*Seymour the Fractal Cat on BBC Radio 7.
*The Gadget Show on Five (I am such a geek I'm actually looking forward to that show a week in advance.)
*Hopefully reading a bit more of Charlie Brooker's Screen Burn (it is hilarious.)
*Watching yesterday's episode of Doctor Who on the iPlayer.
*Buying soap.

My life is so glamourous.

Labels: comedy, greg proops, lists, literature, music, personal, radio, technology, TV

What the title says. Check it out.

Labels: film, lists

1. Get out of bed at 10:30. Keep in mind you went to an improvathon the night before and caught hour 28 of an improvised soap opera.
2. Watch the CBS News from last night.
3. Catch half an episode of Whose Line is it Anyway, before you realise you cannot escape doing the dishes.
4. Actually do the dishes. Listen to Capital Radio.
5. Watch two episodes of Whose Line US which you haven't seen before. Be slightly annoyed that Greg Proops isn't in any of them.
6. Try to fix the internet connection on your desktop computer.
7. Rip your hair out in sheer frustration.
8. Fix the internet connection on your desktop computer, losing the internet connection on your laptop computer at the same time.
9. Do an online survey about top 20 songs.
10. Go to the cinema and watch Alvin and the Chipmunks together with a lot of noisy kids. At least the ticket was free.
11. Be surprised at all the people out shopping on a Sunday afternoon.
12. Stop by the hairdresser's to book an appointment.
13. Have your hair cut.
14. Go back home to put away the clothes from last weekend's washing.
15. Listen to Weezer and that crap first album of P!nk's.
16. Order a pizza.
17. Sit down with your flatmate to watch Peter Cook: A Posthumourous Tribute, making up for the Greg Proops deficit from earlier in the day. ("It is so nice of me to be here tonight.")
18. Watch the second episode of the brilliant Lark Rise to Candleford. Be very happy for Julia Sawalha finally having a major part in a BBC drama.
19. Listen to the slightly better second album of P!nk's.
20. Make a list of all the things you've done today and pretend it's a self-help guide.

Labels: comedy, film, greg proops, lists, music, personal, TV

First things first: La cage aux folles (it's in French, hence the lower-case...just work with me here) FINALLY opened the other day, after six weeks of previews, basically. Seems like the reviews are mostly positive. Since I can't be bothered to link to them all and this is my favourite board, I will send you to this thread for reviews, should you want to read any.

Unfortunately I almost forgot all about it on the day, and I see I missed the newspaper reviews entirely just because I was exhausted after work. Three days of chaos at work, not exactly helped by the frustratingly slow system and the fact that I was the only one there from my team. I also missed the reviews due to my refusing to accept copies of free papers around the capital. Darn. Still, it's a principle. Wasting the forests on gossip is just horrendous behaviour and morals.

In my prudish opinion, of course. ;-)

Yet, despite being exhausted after work, I've kept up with my Whose Line watching. It's all very annoying. I got the first US season in the post yesterday and am trying to steer away from the episodes with The Proopster in them. My PVR is 33% full of episodes thanks to both Five US and Dave showing the two versions every single day.

It will pass, it will pass. (Maybe chanting that will help.)

In other news, I was asked if I was "enough old" to buy wine at the local Morrisons today.

I am 29.

I flashed her my Norwegian debit card (which is in no way proof of age over here, but it was all I had) and she probably took a good look at my white hair sprouting all over the place lately and decided she wouldn't be fired if she let me buy a couple of bottles of wine...and some rum and Bailey's. Hmm.

Maybe if I stopped drinking my hair wouldn't turn white so rapidly. Then again, where's the fun in that? Besides, I am turning 30 in a few weeks and need to drown my sorrows, after all. ;-)

There are two things I feel I have to mention:

1. The new expansion pack for The Sims 2 seems pretty cool. Then again, so was the last expansion pack, which I played constantly for 12 hours when I first got it, then put it away for no good reason other than that I had played through all the coolest parts. Electronic Arts certainly know how to make money!

2. I have very, VERY high hopes for Thank God You're Here. I know I've mentioned it not long ago, but I just have to go down that lane again. You're probably thinking "ok, she's definitely gone overboard with this improv kinda thing", but the thing is I've been a fan of improv for more than 15 years. Why on earth do you think I become overly excited about any new comedy starring Anders Hatlo and Johannes Joner? When they (read: usually Anders) forget their lines, the improv is amazing. I remember watching Minus Manus or something equivalent on NRK or...uhmmm...we probably only had NRK of the Norwegian channels back then, coming to think of it.

Not forgetting my first real memory of Tony Slattery and Mike McShane is from them performing in their own improv show in the early nineties. It's kind of embarrassing watching the old episodes of WLIIA now, when Tony seems to think he is supposed to be the star and that the North Americans are merely guest actors there to humour him. Sometimes it's even cringing watching his futile attempts at humour. If I wanted purely lavatorial comedy, I'd watch a couple of hours of the brilliant series Bottom. And I do, from time to time (after all, I'm supposed to be a huge Rik Mayall fan). Still, I have a soft spot for Mr. Slattery. I have an issue with getting rid of my old favourites, and he's among the earliest ones (I have a looong list, believe me! *checking the list* 135 people in total, actually. My, my.)

Well, a few minutes to tonight's "new" episodes of WLIIA, so I'd better post this and get offline. My last post mentioning Greg Proops got me quite a few hits through Google's blog search engine for no particular reason, so I feel I must apologise to the poor sods who visited just to find my ramblings and droolings.

But I won't.

Labels: anders hatlo, comedy, gaming, greg proops, lists, musicals, Norway, personal, philip quast, rik mayall, theatre, TV, work

Post no. 700!!!

I must admit I had forgotten all about my annual Favourite Things of the Year That Went thing until this morning, so here it is, after just mentioning that, reading through a few of my old posts, I actually remarked upon my planned move to England 15 months before it happened (see post of 15 Feb 2004), but of course no one noticed, haha!

I am also going through a short-lived Greg Proops phase. I know it's short-lived so I am not going to give him his own label (unless "The Proopster" could possibly be a label...hmm...). Anyway, to the list!

This year's list's categories are blatantly ripped off from all the three lists before it, and rightly so! Some may have been added, some may have been lost in the post (I am using Royal Mail, after all).

My Top Favourites of 2007

Coolest Villain of the year
Ralph Fiennes for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (see also the list from 2005)

Best Steve Carell Film of the year
Evan Almighty, and that wasn't very good, even.

Best Hank Azaria Film of the year
Run, Fat Boy, Run

Indie Album of the year
The Go! Team: Proof of Youth

Musical Album of the year
Original Soundtrack: Hairspray

Most Surprisingly Good Album of the year
Melanie C: This Time

Album of the year
Erasure: Light at the End of the World

Funniest New Series
The Armstrong & Miller Show, BBC (UK)

Strangest Series Cancellation of the year
The Class, Warner Bros. (US)

Most Disappointing Comedy Series of the year
The Omid Djalili Show, BBC (UK)

Favourite Comedy Series Characters of the year
The WWII RAF pilots from The Armstrong & Miller Show, BBC (UK)

Favourite Comedy Series Sketch of the year
See above.

Best End to a Series
The Vicar of Dibley, BBC (UK)

Most Anticipated Film of the year
Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World's End

British Film of the year
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Most Anticipated Game of the year
Crysis

Most Disappointing Game of the year
Assassin's Creed

Most Surprisingly Good Game of the year
Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords

Best PC Game of the year
Two Worlds

Best Console Game of the year
Final Fantasy XII (PS2)

Best Handheld Game of the year
Final Fantasy IV (GBA) (I only have my trusty PDA and GBA, ok?)

Best Game of the year
Two Worlds

Best World Premiere of the year
The stage version of Breaking the Waves, Oslo Nye Teater (Centraltheatret)

Best Stage Revival of the year
Arsenic and Old Lace, Oslo Nye Teater (Hovedscenen)

Best Norwegian Stage Production of the year
Fiddler on the Roof, Oslo Nye Teater (Hovedscenen)

Best Play or Musical of the year
La cage aux folles, Menier Chocolate Factory (surprised?)

Would Have Most Wanted to See
Evita just once more

Most Anticipated Book of the year/decade/century
J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Most Annoying Yet Strangely Catchy Song of the year
Timbaland: Apologize

Worst Idea of the year
My trying to get a job in sales

Best Moment of the year
29 November, when I first saw my two favourites suddenly combined: La cage aux folles and Philip Quast

Labels: anders hatlo, comedy, dennis storhøi, erasure, evita, film, gaming, geoffrey rush, greg proops, lists, Lloyd-Webber, musicals, Norway, personal, philip quast, ralph fiennes, theatre, TV, work

Using last year's template and then adding and removing as I see fit:

Coolest Villain of the year
Bill Nighy for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Funniest Sex Swap Film of the year
She's the Man

Best Hasselhoff Moment of the year
His being slapped around in Click

Most Embarrassing Yet Funny Film Moment of the year
Jean Reno doing interpretive dance in The Pink Panther. Worth the whole film!

Best Steve Carell Film of the year
Dead heat between Over the Hedge and Little Miss Sunshine

Indie Album of the year
The Killers: Sam's Town

Musical Album of the year
The 2006 London Revival Cast: Evita

Album of the year
Pet Shop Boys: Fundamental

Funniest New Series
The Class, Warner Bros. (US)

Strangest Series Cancellation of the year
Day Break, Touchstone/ABC (US)

Most Disappointing Comedy Series of the year
Twenty Good Years, Warner Bros. (US)

Favourite Comedy Series Character of the year
(Much like the previous two years:) Anne from Little Britain, BBC (UK)

Favourite Comedy Series Sketch of the year
Numberwang from That Mitchell and Webb Look

Best Cliffhanger of the year
The series finale of Green Wing

Most Anticipated Film of the year
X-Men: The Last Stand

Most Anticipated Film for everyone else, it seemed
The Da Vinci Code

Most Anticipated Game of the year
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Best Game of the year
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

British Film of the year
Snow Cake (UK/Canadian)

Best Play or Musical of the year
Evita, Adelphi Theatre (surprised?)

Would Have Most Wanted to See
Idina Menzel in Wicked, Apollo Victoria Theatre

Most Anticipated Book of the year
Per Egil Hegge: Harald V

Funniest Book of the year
Julian Clary: A Young Man's Passage

Most Annoying Yet Strangely Catchy Song of the year
Lily Allen: Smile

Worst Idea of the year
Having yet another round of Big Brother. Enough, already.

Best Moment of the year
16 August, finally getting Philip Quast's autograph

Labels: Alan Rickman, bill nighy, comedy, computers, evita, film, gaming, julian clary, lists, literature, music, musicals, philip quast, tamsin greig, theatre, TV

Behold the new film database! I consists of exactly 800 films and has taken me quite some time to collate (I started anew, using a new program and abandoning the trusty old Excel spreadsheets). It has got its own website. ;-)

Worth noticing is how many films I have starring certain people. My list of "10 or more films" is also present on the website, so please have a look.

Another thing worth noticing is the sheer number of films that I own but have not fully seen... Oops.

Labels: film, lists

OK, so after having seen Brokeback Mountain I must say I will be rather sad (and yet not at all surprised) if it gets a lot of Oscars. Too bad, because it could have been a lot better. Oh, well.

Some good news for you...well, for me, anyway: I just finished updating my film database and have uploaded the new lists here. Turns out it has been one year to the date (wow!) since I last posted an update of it. Unfortunately it has been expanded with only 95 films, but there you go; that's unemployment for you (ha ha!).

Current track: Depeche Mode - Blasphemous Rumours

Labels: film, lists

Having trawled around my blog archives to find last year's list of favourite this and that, I have decided to use that as a template and add (or possibly even (gasp!) retract) categories as I go along. So, here is...(cue fanfare)...

My Top This and That of 2005!

Coolest Villain of the year
Ralph Fiennes, strangely enough for both Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit!

Norwegian Album of the year
Surferosa: The Force

Indie Album of the year
Gorillaz: Demon Days

Album of the year
KT Tunstall: Eye to the Telescope

Funniest New Series
Man Stroke Woman, BBC (UK)

Funniest New Spoof Series
Broken News, BBC (UK)

Craziest 19th-century Character of the year
Phil Davis in Bleak House, BBC (UK)

Most Disappointing Comedy Series of the year
Extras, BBC (UK) (there, the cat's out of the bag)

Most Annoying I-knew-this-would-happen-so-why-did-I-bother-starting-watching-it-in-the-first-place Moment of the year
The last ten minutes of Love Soup, BBC (UK)

Favourite Comedy Series Character of the year
(Much like last year:) Anne from Little Britain, BBC (UK)

Best Cliffhanger of the year
The series finale of Waking the Dead

Most Anticipated Film of the year
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Most Anticipated Game of the year
The Movies

Best Game of the year
Civilization IV

British Film of the year
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Best Play or Musical of the year
Talking to Terrorists, Royal Court Theatre

Would Have Most Wanted to See
Dennis Storhøi in Death of a Salesman, Oslo Nye Teater

Most Hilarious Roman Outfit of the year
Ciaràn Hinds's in Rome (HBO/BBC)

Most Anticipated Book of the year
JK Rowling: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Most Annoying Yet Strangely Catchy Song of the year
The Pussycat Dolls: Doncha

Worst Idea of the year
Producing Ben Elton's new autobiographical and very boring "comedy" series Blessed, BBC (UK)

Worst Idea That Led to a Very Funny Incident of the year
Inviting Gérard Depardieu to Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, BBC (UK)

Scariest Moment of the year
21 July, the second terrorist attack on London

Best London Moment of the year
6 July, when we beat the French and got the 2012 Olympics

Best Moment of the year
1 June, when we moved to London

Seems like the Beeb are responsible for both the ups and downs of the telly year!

Current track: Nothing

Labels: ciàran hinds, comedy, current affairs, dennis storhøi, film, gaming, lists, literature, music, personal, tamsin greig, theatre, trevor eve, TV

Yes, I know you're really looking forward to my world famous "Best & Worst of 2005" feature, but while you await The Big Day, I'm going to advertise another well-known website's awards for this year, namely Gamespot's own prestigious honours list. I would like to mention a few favourites of mine that won awards, so if you would like to read the whole thing on their site please stop reading this post right now.

First, there was the Best Adventure award, which went to a favourite of mine this year, Fahrenheit (AKA Indigo Prophecy in the US). I would have been very surprised (and probably dismissed the whole "best of" list as a scam) if Civilization IV hadn't won the Best Strategy award; these past 15 years have been wonderful to Sid Meier's franchise! It also won the PC Game of the Year award, which is a great achievement, I think, since there were rather a lot of brilliant games released during 2005. God of War, not a typically Ingaroo-y game, won the overall Playstation 2 Game award, and deservedly so (even though I haven't made it past the first ten minutes yet).

If you want to, the Readers' Choice Awards just opened for voting, and the winners will be announced during the third week of January.

Current track: Queen - The Invisible Man

Labels: gaming, lists

Finally got around to watching the "last" episode of Riget (The Kingdom) last night and I stand by my previous remark that Udo Kier's Little Brother must be one of the creepiest characters ever. Trying to look for clues as to whether he was dubbed all the way through the series (he was putting on a very good miming act, though), I happened upon his German fansite and in one of the interviews posted there, he said something very true indeed: "Für einen Deutschen gibt es in Hollywood ohnehin nur drei Rollen: der mit dem harten Akzent, der wahnsinnige Wissenschaftler oder der Böse." (There are only three roles available for a German in Hollywood: The one with the hard accent, the mad scientist or the villain.) I laughed out loud when I read that, because it's spot on. It made me think of all the stereotypes that Hollywood are giving the western world (or, more precisely, the Americans - as we as Europeans usually are more aware of all the European clichées just as I'm sure most Americans can tell a Texan from a New Yorker).

In the Hollywood films, when you see a man with very light blond hair and blue eyes, he must be the Nazi and is probably named Fritz, Karl or Heinz. Look for further clues in possible scars. If it's a woman with light blond hair and blue eyes, she must be the Swedish maid/nanny/pole dancer named Helga, Olga or Greta (I cannot stress this enough: There are hardly anyone in Sweden below the age of 80 called any of these names). She's probably got a huge cleavage, too. And very short skirts. And an exceptionally dumb manner (this, of course, is not a stereotype; all Swedes are stupid (only joking!)). If you're a foreigner and/or have a foreign accent, you're very likely to be put in the role of villain. Unless you're very good-looking (in a Mediterranean sort of way); then you may be offered the part as The Lover. Unfortunately, The Lover barely has any lines at all (much due to The Accent, I'm afraid). If you're French...well...you've most definitely got an accent no matter how hard you try, and you can't under any circumstances play anything else than a French person (or, possibly, someone from southern Belgium or Switzerland). You'll probably have to settle for a few outrageous lines consisting of many romantic/sexy utterances, and you'll be half-naked through most of the film. You will of course be named Jean, Michel or Jean-Michel. If you're Italian, you'll be playing the mafia member or exchange student. Unless you go back in time, to the sixties and seventies, where you'd be most likely to play a cowboy or Mexican villain. Go figure. Speaking of Mexican villains; if you're Spanish or Mexican you will be playing someone who's just crossed the Rio Grande and turned nasty. (Maybe it's high time the US should think about what makes people change the minute they get into the country?) Your name will be Carlos, Felipe or, lately, Jorge (because it's so "difficult" to pronounce, I guess). If you're Russian, you've only recently been let into the country and have a splendid accent for any thrillers about the eighties. Because, as we all know, nothing interesting happened in the eighties, apart from the Cold War and the yuppies. Anyway, you will be playing a villain or someone who's a double agent. You will be required to speak some Russian at some point in the film, just to show how frightfully clever and "European-minded" the producers are. You will be called Vladimir, Boris or Nikolai (or just pick another previous leader's name you like).

Now, those are the Europeans, but as we all know, the world is slightly larger than that. I'm going to skip Africa, because Africans are seldom let into Hollywood (there have been but a few exceptions). The Asians, on the other hand, are usually playing villains. There have been quite a few wars to choose from. There's WWII, the Korean war and the Vietnam war. Lots of conflicts into which Asian actors must be put. Unless you prove to be quite agile and proficient in any martial art. The main thing is to be able to bow a lot, no matter what kind of movie you've been given. If you're Chinese or Korean, you may also be offered the role of The Chinese Laundryman (for the pre-1940 themed films) or The Chinese Dry-Cleaner (for the post-WWII themed films), but this will give you no lines and just a lot of bowing. There are other countries that belong to Asia, though (it is quite large, in fact). There's something called the Middle East. As we should have realised by now, all people living in the Middle East are to be considered armed and dangerous, according to Hollywood. Any actors escaping from that area will be thrown back in order to play...yes, you guessed it, The Terrorist. The only thing you will be required to do, is shout a lot in some language the producers (yet again) don't understand, while wearing a lot of dirty scarves and clutching a machine gun. It is a must that you have very few teeth. Your name will be any form resembling Mohammed, Ahmed or Abdul. Preferably all three.

When it comes to down-under, the Australians usually play the very laid-back, glad-to-meet-ya, good-on-you kind of friend, who's used to eating snakes and spiders for breakfast and who's got the broadest Australian accent ever. He will no doubt be called Bruce. The New Zealanders have been appearing in Hollywood films only recently, and only as hobbits, so let's hope the Americans will discover there is more to Kiwiland before they are stereotyped as hobbits.

The British are quite right, they are indeed special and should keep to themselves. You see, unless you have no education, you will probably remember the slight dispute the US had with the English a few hundred years ago. This nags them both even today, long after the rest of the world stopped caring. This has led to the creation of The Archnemesis. The Archnemesis is always someone with an Oxford accent. Possibly an American trying to resemble that accent. The Archnemesis is the most dangerous villain that Hollywood has ever seen, and is the only one that will survive through the ages and drifting political issues. He will be called whatever you like, as the English have all got sensible names, according to Hollywood.

There are very few foreigners who've made the cut in Hollywood and actually been offered parts where they're playing good, wholesome Americans with good, wholesome American names. (I'm still surprised they let Stellan Skarsgård play an American professor in Good Will Hunting!) Some have been put into action films where acting skills and foreign accents don't matter, and have been given American or even supernatural names. For some reason Arnold Schwarzenegger springs to mind (but making him a governor was a bit over the top, don't you think? Let's not mix Hollywood with real life).

All in all, if you've got the slightest hint of an accent, you're not likely going to make it into one of the "real" roles in Hollywood. For some bizarre reason, Hollywood is very picky on the accent thing; in order to play an American, you must sound American. Which is funny, because they know bugger all about any other accents and couldn't give a toss about credibility in any other aspect of the film. I think Hollywood must be very confused.

Current track: Nothing.

Labels: film, humour, lists, TV

Since this past year has been filled with so much else than these last few days of horror in SE Asia, I'm taking the liberty of presenting you with some of my favourites this year. The competition was stiff, but then I remembered that I am making all the categories myself and decided to just make new ones if the choice was proving to be too hard. ;-)

So here goes, in no particular order:

Coolest Villain of the year
Alfred Molina, Spider-Man 2

Norwegian Album of the year
Sivert Høyem: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Opposition

Album of the year
Morrissey: You are the Quarry

Funniest New Series
Green Wing, Channel 4 (UK)

Most Anticipated Film of the year
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Most Anticipated Game of the year
The Sims 2

Best Game of the year
The Sims 2

British Film of the year
Shaun of the Dead

Best Play or Musical of the year
La cage aux folles, Oslo Nye Teater

Best Live Concert of the year
Fra Beatles til ABBA, Oslo Konserthus

Would Have Most Wanted to See
Nathan Lane in The Producers, Theatre Royal Drury Lane

Most Hilarious Roman Outfit of the year
Philip Quast's in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Olivier Theatre

Funniest Book of the year
Ricky Gervais: Flanimals

Funniest Teenage Book of the year
Louise Rennison: ...and That's When it Fell Off in My Hand

Most Annoying Yet Strangely Catchy Song of the year
O-Zone: Dragostea din tei

Worst Idea of the year
Oslo Nye Teater producing Victoria starring Herborg Kråkevik

Scariest Moment of the year
The US electing George W. Bush for another term

Best Moment of the year
At around half nine on the evening of February the 25th

Current track: The Bluebells - Young at Heart

Labels: comedy, concert, film, gaming, humour, lists, literature, music, musicals, theatre, TV

It's obviously that time of year when I start publishing my Lists(TM); could be because I had a delicious supper, or just because I was getting tired of people constantly asking me which films I've got. So here is my film collection. I keep a huge database in Excel with loads more info than this, but I decided on just listing the titles here. I have kept my four categories, though: Normal, where most of my films are kept - these films are not among my favourites, but they were good enough for me to keep in my collection; Classic - older films (often in black and white), also not my absolute favourites; Must-see - newer films that I adore; Champ - classic films that I absolutely love.

Having browsed my newly updated list, I discovered that my Top Ten list of actors appearing in most films (in my collection, that is) is as follows:

William Hurt - 24 films
Alan Rickman - 18
Dustin Hoffman - 18
Geoffrey Rush - 18
John Cleese - 17
David Niven - 16
John Lithgow - 16
Sir Alec Guinness - 16
James Garner - 15
Michael Palin - 14

Further investigations left me with these additions - these are the ones that appear in ten or more films within my collection:

Christopher Walken - 12 films
Kenneth Branagh - 12
Alfred Molina - 11
Kevin Kline - 11
Bruce Willis - 10 (What? Must be the Die Hard films.)
Eric Idle - 10

The first actress appearing on the list is right beneath Eric Idle with her nine films; Emma Thompson. We need more parts for women in the film industry!

Current track: D12 - How Come

Labels: Alan Rickman, alec guinness, alfred molina, david niven, dustin hoffman, film, geoffrey rush, james garner, john lithgow, kevin kline, lists, michael palin, william hurt

It's Pride Week and the big Pride Parade will take place tomorrow. I thought of going, meet up with old friends etc., but then I'm actually taking the weather into consideration - am I growing old extremely fast? Then again, the whole parade lasts for about nine minutes and probably isn't worth it anyway. It usually isn't. It's just embarrassing, considering how big it could have been. I'm never going to forget the parade on the first day of the Gay Games in the Netherlands back in 1998; great music, fantastic costumes, wonderful atmosphere. Our Pride Parade is just...boring, really, at least compared to that one.

I've spent the day categorising my music. I should probably get back to work. I though I'd enjoy the holiday, and I have, it's just that staying at home feels wrong when I could be working. That's why I didn't take the two weeks off that my doctor ordered after I broke my elbow back in January. My boss has actually noticed that; he commended me the other week; I was in such shock (I think we all were) that I completely forgot to tell you. Make no mistake, though, he's still a twat and I'm not going to work for him more than another year (that I promise!) I need a serious change or some of my friends will admit me to some mental hospital and not just joke about it.

Current track: Kamaya Painters - Far from Over (Wavestate Mix)

Labels: holiday, lists, music, personal

I have currently exactly 600 films on the Excel list of my film collection, which I don't actually consider a real collection, as it's more of a bunch of films that I personally appreciate, I don't just buy them because they're a must-have. However, I know there are a few films I haven't catalogued yet, must be about 25-40 in all. In other words, the collection is growing larger (and by the minute, I'd say - I just popped by Play to find a photo and two minutes later I'd ordered four films (well, they're Sir Alec Guinness classics that I don't have already.) Shame on me.

Actually, "personally appreciate" is a bit of a lie. I like most of the films, but some of them I bought because of some actor appearing in them and they turned out to be utter crap. So I guess from that aspect it's more of a collection; like I have to have all the films in which old so-and-so has appeared. Some of the films I've regretted (but still aren't as bad as Safe, directed by Todd Haynes and starring Julianne Moore - it has become the film I put every other film up against; we managed to sit through all of Safe but we were so bored it felt like it lasted for about four and a half hours, and I'm not exaggerating. It truly is pure boredom) are:

Alice - I generally hate Woody Allen films, but William Hurt (AKA The Actor of Which I Own the Most Films) was in it. Haven't managed to watch the whole film yet, and I got it eight or nine years ago.

American Buffalo - I like David Mamet and love Dustin Hoffman but this film was pointless.

The Beach - Not sure why I've got this. Because of Robert Carlyle, perhaps?

Caligula - Now this I bought merely because of Malcolm McDowell and because it's a cult film. Haven't watched all of it yet. Probably never will.

Cleopatra (the American TV version) - Bought it just because of Philip Quast (he's not appearing in that many films); have watched about 1/3 of it, but it's so Hollywood I can barely look at the cover without feeling a bit under the weather.

Eyes Wide Shut - I am really, really sorry, but even though I'm a huge fan of Stanley Kubrick, I thought this film gave me absolutely nothing. It was part of a Kubrick collection, otherwise I wouldn't have bought it.

The Fall - Another Philip Quast film. He's in four scenes. They're brilliant. The rest of the film is boring me to tears.

Fire, Ice & Dynamite - It's got a hilarious Simon Shepherd in it. The rest is very embarrassing.

Here on Earth - I have no idea why I've got this.

Little Noises - I think Crispin Glover is playing well in this, but I bought it because of Rik Mayall. Otherwise it's a pointless film.

Scorpion Spring - Because of Alfred Molina. He's cool, the film is...uhmm...have I used "boring" too much yet?

Current track: Erasure - Run to the Sun (Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun Mix)

Labels: alec guinness, alfred molina, dustin hoffman, film, lists, online shopping, philip quast, rik mayall, simon shepherd, william hurt